Note to home buyers - Motivated != desparate or stupid

After much thought, I put my house up for sale a few weeks ago. I have learned that people are very fucking weird and thoughtless when they go through your house.

There are the people who have to have seen my dog (he is really fucking big and friendly and impossible to miss) and yet they leave my gates wide open and then we have to go and search for said dog.

Then there was yesterday's incident - somebody flipped breaker switches on my electrical panel causing my computer to ungracefully shutdown and the clock on my stove to require resetting.

Then there was the person who put in the objectionally low offer and after much negotiating, we were still too far apart and the deal fell through ( I got fed up with his dicking around). Apparently, he told his realtor that he felt duped because he had been told I was motivated. I can only guess he took that to mean I was Desperate or Stupid.

There is another offer coming in this evening. We shall see. I have to wonder if it is from the idiots that flipped my breaker switches. Oh well, if it is for enough money, they can flip all the switches they like. I do hate waiting though. Patience is not one of my virtues.

It looks like I am going to have to figure out somewhere new to live. This ought to be interesting.

So, if you are going to go house hunting, have some respect.

• Just because a house is for sale, that doesn't give you permission to be obnoxious. It is still someone's home.

• Don't put in an offer 25K less than the identical house up the road sold for.
  

• Don't try to justify your offensively low offer by comparing it to the property assessment - especially if it is the one from last year. Property assessments are nowhere near in line with market value.
  

• Don't try to tell someone that the drain tiles will need doing immediately when it has been raining solid for 40 days and there is not the faintest sign of water in the basement.

• Don't use the age of the furnace as a reason to lowball - that ancient furnace (while it may not necessarily be super-efficient) will likely run for as long again as it is old.

• If you are a single guy who is looking to rent out the entire basement, renovate the house yourself and then flip it at a tidy profit in a couple of years, definitely don't try to lowball the single mother with 4 kids. She needs every penny she can get for the house.
  

• Don't preface your offer with justifications for it. Cut to the chase. There are only two things the seller is interested in - how much and when? Who gives a shit why?
  

• Cut to your bottom line fast. If the seller comes back at you with the same counter offer twice or more, then chances are they are stuck there - either get really close to it or move on. 10k below it isn't going to do it.

Next time I get a ridiculously low offer, I am going to counter it by the same amount above my original asking price as the person offered below it.


Update:

The offer never did come in; however, when I got home (very late because I had a class after work) my dog was missing - gate left open... again. He is still, and I can't talk to anyone at the pound until 8:30. Argh!